We don't talk about it at home with our parents. We for damn sure don't talk about it at Gurudwara....

Kaam. This is one of the 5 vices that we probably discuss the least. Kaam. The nice way of translating it means lust but the real and raw way of translating it means sexual desire.
Sexual Desire. It’s something we all have but don’t really talk about. We don’t talk about having the desire and we don’t talk about controlling the desire. We may talk about fulfilling the desire with the opposite gender but sometimes a little too quickly and a little too inappropriately. There is little to no conversation about it with our parents or any elder personality. I’m pretty sure that if there is a conversation about it, it goes something like this:

Parents: DON’T DO IT!!!!

The End.

Our generation needs to know the why. No, this is not a lesson on the birds and the bees. Most of us have already been stung by bees! In my experience with the Sikh youth which is only about 10 to 15 years younger than me, the mindset has been incredibly different. This has been on my mind for a while. This article is for everyone but particularly, my younger female audience that is in high school and college. When it comes to sex, I'd like to get on my knees, fold my hands, and beg you to do one thing for me and more importantly yourself. . . . .


Please, please, please, wait darlings. . . . .
Yes, wait! How long you ask? Until you are married? Until you are engaged? Until he says "I love you"? Until the 6th month mark? Until the 3 month mark? Until the 3rd date? Or lord have mercy, until the end of the first date?!
Before I even attempt to answer that, please picture something with me for a minute.

A while ago, one of my coworkers told me that she read a book that told his readers to wait 90 days before having sex with their new partner and here's the funny part. . . She told her new guy about this 90 day rule and he didn't want to wait. He left! (Personally, I think she should have just kept that rule to herself in her mind, but at least she found out about his true nature quickly!) I was intrigued. I read his book. . . . .

In a nutshell, it said this. . . when you start a new job, you will start getting paid immediately but most employers will not give you health, medical, or dental benefits until the 90 day mark. Your employers want to make sure that you show up to work every day and that you are some what committed to this job. Because, who wants to go through extra paperwork if someone is just going to leave early, right? I like where he is going with this, but I'd like to take it a step further. . . .

I had been with one of my previous employers for 11 years. (I knowww right!) Every year, my previous employer would pick 3 all star employees (out of a department of 200) and award them with an all expense paid trip to Disney World. And yup, you guessed it! One year, I was chosen. :) I took my sister and it was one of the best vacations we ever had. When I say all expenses paid, I mean. . .airfare, hotel, food, park tickets, luggage check-in costs, Disney World gift cards, shirts, signed and autographed books, and a meet and greet and picture with the C.E.O. of the company. These trips that companies award to their employees are for the best of the best. They are for the employees that not only come in to work on time, every single day, but to the ones that meet all of their grading and performance metrics. These trips are given to the employees that not only excel in their department but help out in other departments as well. They are given to the employees that get kudos and compliments from their customers, their agents, and their co-workers. They look presentable. They act presentable. They have a great attitude. But most of all, they are committed and dedicated to that job. Those employees plan to stay until retirement. They invest in the company's 401k. They are an all star employee!
Ladies, don't just wait 90 days to see if he shows up to work on time.  It's a good start, but I want you to wait for that all-star employee.  Wait for the one who will invest his time, his energy, his everything into you. Wait for the one that plans to retire with you. . . . .
Do you guys remember that song by John Mayer, "Your body is a wonderland?" In case you forgot, or in case I'm older than I think I am, here is a refresher. Nice song right? Take note. The guy is singing it to the girl. I don't think a girl would sing that to a guy! Do you see why I brought the Disney world metaphor in here? Do you see the parallel I'm trying to make here?

Please, please, please, wait. . . . .

In my opinion, that all-star employee that deserves a trip to Disney world, that deserves a trip to your "Wonder Land" is one that will marry you and stay with you despite your caste, despite your skin color, despite how chubby you are, despite how skinny you are, despite your education or your profession, despite what his parents think of you, and despite what his friends think of you.

Instead of asking your friends how long you should date a guy before giving him that free all-expense paid trip, ask them this. . . . in your opinion, who is an all-star guy? Who is worthy of you?
Because darlings. . . . .. you are worth so much more. You are worth so much more than a trip to Disney World. You are worth much, much more.

Bhull Chuk Maaf
Miss Kaur
Please keep reading for a further perspective from my sister, Mrs. Kaur..... ;)

Christine Kaur

Christine Kaur started blogging as an outlet to express the trials of relationships of second generation western born Sikhs like herself.

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